So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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