the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
