I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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