FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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