Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
