HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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