i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
