Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
