i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
