True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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