I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
