I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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