I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
