So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
