I'm going to rape someone's good day.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
