i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This is my gift to your gina
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
