in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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