my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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