you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
