Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
