I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My bed smells like the plague
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
