I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
