i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
