we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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