I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
