Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
