This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
