He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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