My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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