You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
