She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
