My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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