I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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