Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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