Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
