Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
