speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
