No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
