i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
