I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
