so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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