you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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