my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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