i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
