My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
