Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
