I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
