so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
