Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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