Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
