i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
