No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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