Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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